An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
It’s one of my favourite stories, it’s very short but says so much! There is more and more fear that we are experiencing in everyday life. Most of this fear and anxiety we create ourselves. This may sound a bit “riddiculous” but it’s true.
Obviously each of us has different predispositions. The way in which fear is visible in our life is related to our past, childhood and quite often difficult experiences.
The root of this fear lives deep in our subconscious mind and is not easy to identify. Every attempt to resist it is unsuccessful. This fear is sabotaging our actions and despite our hard work, we confirm in effect our deeply rooted beliefs that: “it’s not worth it”, “you can’t do it”, “you are not good enough”, “you don’t deserve”, “who do you think you are?”.
It’s not an easy task, but you have a choice.
Even if you take actions but deeply inside you don’t believe in success, nothing will change. It’s good to act despite the fear, but it might not always be effective.
Take a while and try to look closer at your beliefs, notice your self-talk, but don’t listen to it! Don’t act upon it! Just observe, you can even write down your thoughts and see what beliefs are underlying your fear.
All of us hold onto the beliefs we develop from our childhood. And quite often, we let those negative self-beliefs prevent us from being as successful as we could be.
Each of us is unique and have different beliefs, but some of them are quite common, e.g.:
- I can’t do anything right.
- I must do it right.
- There’s something wrong with me.
- People will judge me.
- I need to be in control.
- I am stupid/too fat/ugly…
- I should be different.
- I will fail.
Those beliefs will stick because of a psychological principle known as “belief perseverance.” It is maintaining a belief despite new information that firmly contradicts it.
We think we have so much time… and we waste it… We don’t take our chance to live the life we deserve. Stuck in job that drains our energy, stuck in relationships where we feel unhappy and worthless, stuck in trying to meet someone's expectations instead of saying NO and following our own dreams, stuck in the life that doesn’t have a purpose and meaning. And all of that, because we don’t have confidence to change it, to take action!
The truth is we don’t even know how much time we do have. We don’t own it, but we can use it! Breaking free from the fear that might be limiting your life is not easy. But if you won’t start, you won’t achieve it. So just do the first step and then keep going!
What I find important in the end for my clients: what they regret they haven’t done.
Answer the question, be honest, listen to your heart, to your inner wisdom: what would you regret not doing because of the fear, if it turned out you don’t have much time left? In relation to which aspect of your life this feeling is the strongest? How is that related to your life values to what is really important in your life? Take a close look on what information your fear brings.
Feed yourself and your imagination with positive thoughts, examples, inspirations, remember about your values and priorities, face the challenges of your life gradually, don’t let them to take over! And if you need it, seek help and support, it’s ok, it’s not a shame or disgrace. Feed the wolf of confidence, joy and positive energy, so it will grow strong, happy and fulfilled!
What are the actual consequences of not undertaking your desired change?
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